Goodbye, New Friend

This is a brief ode to internal medicine, because I will miss you immensely. 

I'll miss walking the halls at 7am like I know what I'm doing. I'll miss making a sick patient laugh to the point where they good naturedly tell me to stop it because it is making their belly literally hurt. I'll miss being a friendly and familiar face for people who have no friends or family in the area. And I'll definitely miss listening to a 92 year old woman with dementia tell me she wants to go home, to her parents (who surely can't still be alive but I'm not going to tell her that), because her mom "makes the best meat loaf." 

What I won't miss is the number of times it seems that I said, either out loud or under my breath, "that sucks," or "this sucks." Because the reality is, if I am in internal medicine and I see you that means you are very sick. And most of the patient's ailments or circumstances or issues with lack of insurance or follow up care, well, it just simply sucks. It really sucks to think of so many patients I've seen in the last month that, once they are discharged, have nothing. Nowhere. No one. I won't miss reaching the first Friday of my rotation, one week down, and breaking down with sadness for them all. 

But I did learn one important thing which I guess is perhaps the most important thing: I loved it. I loved the chaos, the calm, the frantic running around, the camaraderie with the nurses, social workers, docs, the chaplain. I loved how the spiritual and social and psychological part of how we heal was recognized and acknowledged time and time again.

Best of all, I realized I could do this.