The Thing Is

What I absolutely adore about poetry, is that no matter badly I am feeling (or feelings of joy, despair, elation, awe...), there is someone out there who has felt the exact same way. I know this because I have read their words, somewhere along the way, on a page or spoken from the podium of a packed auditorium. Poems. Poems are what get me through. Time and time again, since as far back as I can remember. This is a new favorite. 

The Thing Is
by Ellen Bass

to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.

Creativity and "Madness"

I've often thought that suffering and art (of some form) often go hand in hand. Expression--and therapeutic processing--of those more difficult or less palatable topics has often found a place of meaning in the context of words, paintings, photographs and music. Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison has written countless articles and essays on creativity and mental illness. Nice to see her experience and insight in the news this week:

"It must be emphasized that most creative people do not have a mental illness and most people who have mental illnesses, such as bipolar disorder, are not unusually creative. It is rather that there is a disproportionate rate of mood disorders, especially bipolar disorder, in creative individuals." ~ KRJ

http://www.cnn.com/2014/08/14/opinion/jamison-depression-creativity/index.html

Time to Ponder

Well. This week was a rough one. I experienced my first patient death--a man I "inherited" from another doc when I began practicing medicine 8 months ago. A stubborn, charming, charismatic, and quick witted man, who appeared to appreciate the same in me as he "kept me", when he had previously "fired" a lot of other providers. We were very kindred, in many odd and unexpected ways. His death stunned us all, and has been difficult and enlightening to process. Then, Robin Williams. I mean, WOW. If someone who brings such joy to the world can feel so down and hopeless, well...

I pondered a few of these things today with a patient. During the course of our 45 minute "appointment", he told me I had one of the greatest gifts in my own two hands and didn't even realize it. The gift of time, and the "luxury" to explore not only my own life but all of the intricacies of those around me and the disparities, and joys, the world over.

What a luxury, this time to ponder. What a gift. Every thing around us. What gifts. And, time, I am not going to waste you.